I was the Queen of Worriers. I worried about my childrens’ health, their social lives, and their overall happiness. Sometimes I had really good reasons to worry, especially as my daughter was born with a health condition that caused her almost constant pain. As a teenager this became particularly challenging as her emotions and behavior took a turn and big feelings and outbursts were the norm. But my worry turned out to be a rocking chair to nowhere.
What do I mean by that? I was seeking self soothing and a way to manage her pain and my angst. In fact it was questionable as to whether at times I may have been in more emotional pain than she. It took a toll on my son as well because I wasn’t fully available for him. I was exhausted with worry.
And yes, a rocking chair can be soothing, and a certain amount of worry is just part of life. But…it didn’t empower me or lead me to action. I felt like I was doing something, but actually, I was going back and forth thinking about things almost all the time. Yet I was only staying in my rocking chair of worry (yup moving) but getting nowhere! The saddest part of this was that it didn’t help my daughter or son at all and actually made me less effective, available, and connected as a mom.
I have done a lot of my own personal growth over many years and I’m no longer queen of worriers and have laid down my crown. I feel a lot lighter without that crown, thank you very much.
As a parenting coach I will work with you to be more empowered, effective, and fulfilled as parents. Here’s how to get off the Rocking Chair to Nowhere:
The primary way to tackle your worry is NOT to fight it and NOT to stay in it, rocking back and forth endlessly.
When you fall into the worry spiral, first and foremost, recognize it and feel it in your body. It is your body that will often signal you first, but we are not taught to recognize that. For me it showed up as a quick stab in my chest and sense of a light headed dizziness, but it can show up for us in many different ways.
I learned first to acknowledge it and then learned to welcome all feelings; my own as well as my childrens’. When I understood that, my daughter and son felt safe to share their big feelings and strong emotions; all I had to do to start was listen. The behaviors and acting out began to shift when they understood that I could handle their feelings and they could rely on my steadiness in the midst of THEIR storm.
I look forward to hearing your stories, being with you and your challenges and empowering you to sit in your rocking chair as long as it soothes you and get right up out of it when you are rocking to nowhere!
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